June 30, 2014

Daily Bitch: Moving Cubes

I've worked at my current agency for 9 years now.  Not as long as I once worked on Capitol Hill, shorter than I've worked at other agencies.  I'm somewhere in the middle.

I am, however, a senior member of the staff in the Division where I work, as with the turnover, at nine years, I'm one of the "old and wise ones."  I'm one of the people folks come to for answers and I've thankfully been promoted to the top of the chain, so I'm not in that awful race to try and move up a ladder.  I still have a ladder to climb, but I'm not desperately clawing at the straws that might get me there.

I work my ass off for these people, and I will state that definitively and with a clear mind.  I work an average 10 hour day, I work at night, I work on my days off, I've never actually had a real sick day..... what I do or don't do will never result in an agent's death, which is a good thing, BUT it sure as hell can result in what you see (or don't see) on the news each night - so there is some importance to doing my job well and not taking it for granted.

Let it be known though, my loyalty and pride in my job?  It gets me SQUAT.  No office, no big salary, no parking, no perks.  Just the satisfaction that I play a part in making sure that you who are reading this, get to go to sleep each night and the only thing you're worrying about is what to wear tomorrow, or how you're going to get the kids to soccer and ballet at the same time, etc.  You don't have to sweat the big stuff, and I'm pretty proud of the fact that I get to contribute in a small way to making sure it stays that way.

So no perks.  Except location.  Cube location - let's be clear.  I sit in a cube farm, which drives me nuts, but I do it and I make it work.

So am I crazy that today, after 7 years in the same spot, my boss tells me I need to move cubes because a new agent is coming in and he wants the guy to feel like he's a part of the unit?  And if he moved into one of the other, still vacant cubes that is - oh, let's measure this for posterity's sake - 3 feet removed from the other people, that this inclusion might not happen?

I just feel really annoyed; I feel like that is a bunch of bullshit and if the guy is an agent, who is USED to moving offices and desks, etc. that his sitting 3 feet away from the others isn't going to be that big of a deal.  But it's me - the senior member of the unit, who chose this cube for a reason, way back when, and who all my contacts know sits here, with this phone number... it's me who has to move.

I get it, I'm whining.  I feel justified though, I really do.  Oh - I put in the order for everything to be taken care of, and I just finished moving 7 years of my life down the aisle to another seat.  It's not like I'm going to cause a stink.  I bitch to you guys, not to my management. That shit would fall on beyond deaf ears.  I mean, who knows - I might even end up liking that desk more than this one.  It's just the point of it all - which is to say there IS NO POINT and I work for a bunch of men who are f***ing pansies and babies.....

Maybe I should leave a binky on the desk as a welcome to the unit present.  Then again, it's not the new agent's fault.  So maybe I should leave a big old pair of Depends on my boss's seat. Do you think he'd figure it out? I did already tell him today that he sucks.  More than once.  (don't tell anyone, but oh my GOD was that liberating and awesome! I fully recommend it to everyone.)

Only 17 more years until retirement.

ROCK ON.

June 25, 2014

The Other Shirt

I got the following text today from my mom:  "You're father wore the t-shirt you got him for Fathers Day today."

Cool I responded.  The one about beer?  (it's a picture of a bear, with antlers - get it? BEER!  I know, I know, I need help.....)

No, she says.  He wore the other one.

Oh Crap!  The other one?  The "other one" was a GAG gift.  My mom has been a cat rescuer for 20 years now.  We have always had dogs - big dogs. We currently have Boo, a 150 pound wolf/shepard/akita mix.  But my parents live out in the desert half the year, and their church is in a not-so-lovely neighborhood, and people abandoned their cats there.  There was a HUGE colony living there, and so my mom spent a lot of time and money and captured about 30 of them, and paid to have them spayed and neutured, etc.  She had to re-release them, as they were feral, so the church built an atrium with shade and plants and someone now goes to that church EVERY day and feeds the cats that are left.  But that's the point - not many left, b/c they stopped reproducing.

Well, that and my mom took about 5 of them home with her.  To add to the 4 she had already. (sigh)

Back-up real quick. Did I say my mom paid for this?  Um, yeah. Not.  My FATHER paid for all of this.  My poor dad...he really is a trooper and has long suffered my mother's desire to be the animal rescue queen of wherever they've been living.  ALL of our animals are rescues, strays, feral in-takes, etc.  He puts up with it all and feeds them, cleans them, goes to the church and even built the cats there a walkway to ensure they could escape to the roof if need be.  He is a dog person for sure, but he has always pretty much let my mom do what she wants with the cats.  The price we (my mom and sisters and I) pay?  He bitches.  A lot.  The cats are all "numb nuts" or weenies (or much worse), and they should all be shot, and have their necks wrung, etc. etc.  He would NEVER, but we all have to hear about it.

So enter Fathers Day.  Mom sends us kids a note - your dad needs new t-shirts.  So we all find weird and funny t-shirts, b/c my dad is one of those guys... let me put it this way, his favorite shirt at the moment says 7 on the front, and Up Yours on the back....  So I see this cat shirt, that says Worlds Best Cat Dad on it, and has a drawing of a cat.  It comes in Pink.  I start laughing hysterically and I buy it for him.  Sign the card "love, the cats".  It's a GAG gift.  Funny.  I know damn well he will never wear it, he'd rather die, so it's a safe and quirky 'haha' type of thing.

Apparently not.

I am horrified. I text back "Mom, that was a gag gift. I mean, it's PINK!  He's a Hall of Famer. You CANNOT let him go out in a pink cat shirt!"

She responds.  "Jokes on you.  He wore it. To Walmart.  I anticipate seeing him on People of Walmart any day now. Oh - btw - not pink. Blue"

Like that's any better??!?!?!?!?!  My 70 year old dad is wearing a cat shirt in public.  I decide this is horrifying and mortifying and I have been checking People of Walmart hourly ever since. 

Wait!  It is at this point I realize that my 70 year old mother knows what People of Walmart is.  This is equally scary, considering last year when I asked her what type of cell phone she had, she responded "it's a black one"........

She just texted me again.  "I told your dad you had a cow over the cat shirt thing. He laughed and told me to remind you of ALL the times you were so embarrassed by us as teenagers. He then said paybacks are a bitch, aren't they?"

No shit.

May 27, 2014

Overheard at the Movies.....

I don't get to treat myself to the movies very often.  Weekends are usually reserved for overtime, karate, or sadly, chores around the house.  However, holiday weekends, while filled with much of the aforementioned antics, often do allow me that rare 3-4 hour window of "me time".  When they do, I pounce on it, selfishly and gleefully.

This past weekend, I took myself to see Godzilla.  I remember watching Godzilla movies as a kid - I honestly do.  I loved that big stupid lizard.  So seeing the updated version was a treat, and all I can say is that I'm glad I don't listen to or read what movie "critics" put out.  I loved this movie. I loved the special effects, I actually enjoyed the story, I loved the fight scenes.  I was thoroughly entertained for 2.5 hours, and that was fun for me.

More fun? Walking out of a theater with people who apparently felt the same way I did.  As I threw my trash away I overheard the following:

Dad: "I am SO going to be Godzilla for Halloween!!!"

Child: "But Daddy - I want to be Godzilla. We can't both be Godzilla and I don't want to be the mean bug thing!"

Dad: "Kid, maybe your mom will make you an Elmo suit or something but I TOTALLY have dibs on the lizard. Godzilla kicks ass!"

Child: ~starts to cry~

This is obviously when I was glad I was going home to a house where I wasn't a 40 year old man making my 7-year old cry because I was taking "dibs" on being a lizard for Halloween.  But I admit to smiling all the same as I kept going, simply for the fact that movies can have this kind of power over us.

I love the movies. :)