May 7, 2015

The Real Reason

All reports of my demise are erroneous.

Where have I been for 4 months?  Well let me tell you:

1) I've been training.  Hard.  Six days a week, doing things I did not like doing.

2) I did all that so I could FINALLY pass my 4th degree black belt test.  And I did pass.  Thank God.  Because I'm old, and these were a tough 3 years, and I miss drinking beer.  Hell, I miss drinking anything OTHER than water.

3) I've had pneumonia.  A bad case of it.  It is pretty bad shit. I do not recommend it to anyone. Ever.

So there you go.  Excuses.

So do you now want to the real reason I've been gone?

I forgot my password.

And then my STUPID AGENCY put a block on just about every website on the planet.

And then I still couldn't remember my password.

Hey - I may finally have the 4th degree Black Belt, but I never said I was exactly BRIGHT.......

No worries, I obviously FOUND it again, and so will try to get back to a more regular form of bitching about stuff.  Like Michael and Sons and their shitty level of customer service, and my cat who hides things under the stove, and my neighbor who fell asleep smoking pot and started a fire, and my boss the Troll who is still an idiot and still taking up space at work, and TRONS (tourist + moron = TRON) who have once again invaded my beloved city.....

Talk soon!

January 28, 2015

So this just happened....

On Sunday, I took my knife, my sword and my staff, along with my jump rope, out to the dead end cul de sac by my house.  Surrounded by trees, and partially filled with a tractor and a sand pile, it is the perfect hiding place for me to be outside so that I can practice my weapons for my upcoming 4th degree black belt test.

I was out there for an hour, and I admit, I got into it.  Motley Crue in my ears (yes, whatever, I don't care.  You're a hipster wanna be who loves Sam Smith and all his melody-stealing tunes.  I am a child of the late 80s.  Crue kicks Smith's ass. Just sayin'), some sunshine, no snow or rain, and WEAPONS!  Save for an annoying tow truck driver who came down to turn around (and quickly drive away when he saw my face), I was alone.  I loved it.

Turns out I wasn't alone.

So Monday night I get home; DC to suburb commute SUCKED.  Snowing, icy, I hit a HUGE pothole on the stupid bridge crossing into Rosslyn - it took me 95 minutes, I was tired and worried about my car.  I was in a mood.  I get to the steps of my building right at the same time that the son of one of my neighbors does.  I have met him before.  He is a senior in high school, plays linebacker and I am not kidding - HE IS HUGE!  This coming from a football player's kid - I mean, I know huge, and this kid is HUGE!  I think people see him and regularly get out of his way.

So there we are, arriving at same time.  I stop, I sort of fake smile (I know, but at least I am admitting it) and say "after you".  He says 'no ma'am - please go right ahead."  He steps aside - sort of far to the side.  I note this, but am too tired.  I think to myself, how nice that this young man is so polite.  So I say thank you and tell him it is so nice that he is so polite and that I appreciate that.  He stares at me in all seriousness and says the following:

"Ma'am.  I appreciate that you think I'm being polite.  But the truth is, I saw you yesterday down in the cul de sac, doing stuff that looked like maybe karate?  You had a knife.  And a sword.  A really big sword.  I don't know who you are exactly, but I will step away from you when I see you - well, probably forever, ma'am.  Just letting you know."

Gotta dig it.  :)

January 23, 2015

Best Hang Up Ever

Holy crap, but it's almost February! Where is my life going?  Not sure at the moment - all I do is work. Seriously, the world is filled with REALLY STUPID, EVIL PEOPLE and as a result, folks like me get to work really long hours.  Am I bitching? Nope. I would not trade my career for all the tea in... well, you get it. 

So work, work, work.  I'm tired, I don't sleep very well, my voice is always raspy and I have to take a lot of vitamins.  And, sadly, I'm missing out on some social opportunities.  BUT - every now and again, along the way something fun happens, like it did last Friday, that makes ALL the long hours and the missed events worth it, if only for a brief moment in time.

Without saying all the types of things I shouldn't say (so bear with me as you read this, because it might seem like it's in code), last week a visiting dignitary came to visit one of the places where I work.  As a result of that visit, my agency principal came to visit too.  I am VERY lucky - I have met my agency principal on several occasions now, and what I do ensures that those in my group have a bit more regular exposure than most in my organization.  So it is an honor that I treat with respect, because I know that so many other really hard-working folks will never get the chance. 

That said, I did not KNOW he was coming too.  I knew the other guy was, I didn't know MY guy was.  So I was not prepared......

So there I am, waiting for the arrival.  On a Friday.  LATE in the day.  As in - it's now dark outside.  But there I sat because there is always more work to do.  As we deal with different types of information, there are different methods available to us to talk to one another, and wouldn't you know it, my immediate boss, who is a verifiable pain in the ass, decides to call and 'chat' about something stupid. Par for course.  He chose a method that required specific hardware be employed.   It's a process.  It's more involved than just picking up a phone.  Fine.  I get it all working and there I am, starting this conversation.  Suddenly, behind me, I 'feel' before I see, about 20 people and I hear one of the principals at the location where I was sitting start to introduce me and tell the "man" what it was I did for them.... 

My first reaction - annoyance, because I thought "who the hell is walking around at this time of the day on a Friday afternoon?"  So I start to stand up and turn around prepared to do the fake and insincere "how nice to meet you" thing and it is then that I see him.  THE MAN.   AND, as if he weren't enough,  all of his immediate underlings - AKA, THE BRASS of my agency. 

SHIT.

I immediately dislodge the hardware I'm using, which looks a bit funny, because I did so almost in a jerk-fashion, I was so startled.  The 'man' says so politely 'my gosh, I'm so sorry, you're actually WORKING!'  Why yes sir, that's what we do.  But he was so polite and nice and was actually listening to what the other person was saying about me, that I fully engaged and left my immediate boss saying "hello? hello? hello?" over and over again.   Which everyone around me could now hear.  I totally ignore him, of course, because I am on display in front of the brass.  It is GOOD for me that they are seeing me here late, and working, and it is amazing for me that I am being introduced like I matter - LOL. I can't mess this up.   The 'man' continues to engage after seeing a tag with my nickname on it, and he continues to state that he's heard of me - good things (thank God!).  He then asks me about my father, whose football card is on my board.  We are chatting.  People are listening. I am so excited!  Best part though - absolute BEST part - is that you can still hear the pain in the ass saying "hello? What is happening? Hello?"

The 'man' asks "Do you need to get that?"  I reply "No sir I do not, but if you will standby for just a moment...."

I pick up the device and say ever so sweetly...."the 'man' and the 'other man' (insert titles) are here at the moment, so you will understand that I need to hang up on you now.  Goodbye".  And I disconnected.

Everyone starts laughing.  The 'man" says to me "was that your immediate boss?" (again, insert chain of command title). I reply, yes sir it was.  And he says "I bet you've been waiting your entire career to hang up on a boss, haven't you?"

And I reply, without missing a beat, "why yes sir, I have. That one in particular. Thank you SO MUCH for providing me with the  most awesome opportunity to do so."

He laughed. I made the 'man' laugh.  He was still chuckling as they all walked away, and one of the Brass turned around and winked.

Rock on.

BEST. LATE. FRIDAY. NIGHT. AT. THE. OFFICE. EVER!!!!!!!