I am a fan of the song "12 Days of Christmas". This is not because I think it would be cool to get six geese a-laying (or was it seven?) or a bunch of lords a-leeping (although that would make me laugh, especially if they were wearing tights).
I like the song because it's silly, and joyous, and is a part of this, my favorite month of the year. I love December - the first snow always comes in December. Depending on what you celebrate, there's a holiday. For me, that's Christmas, and so there are all sorts of traditions and parties and lights and moments with my family and friends that I cherish and look forward too. The Grinch and Rudolph and Frosty all come on TV, although apparently Frosty is now in to porn, but I'll leave that for another day..... I actually BAKE during this time of year, and I try really, really hard not to curse at people who drive like jerks. Oh yeah - CONGRESS goes home and shuts up for a while, which makes everyone's life in DC that much more pleasant. The song is just a part of all that.
So for a few days here, I will write my 12 Days of Christmas - Daily Bitch Version, sharing with you not the gifts I'm getting (because so far - zip! Yeah. Um - hello friends, family and quasi-boyfriends! Helloooo??????) Rather, I will share with you some of the moments that I have experienced in the hopes that they will bring a smile to your face, for 'tis the season to laugh and be merry as well as to forgive.
On the first day of Christmas:
I almost got wiped out by my boss's protective detail. I was working late- I'm dedicated. I walked out a side entrance because after hours the main entrance closes. I was near the driveway and didn't see an officer telling me not to walk, as is supposed to be the norm, and as it was bite-ass cold that night, I was hauling. I was two steps in when the SUVs came crashing out the ramp. They didn't even honk -they just sort of flashed the lights. Note to the boys - I work with you, the lights don't intimidate me. A regular pedestrian probably would have poo'd their pants and run, but I know who you had in the car and he could have waited. Sheesh. I ended up sort of lurching out the way and glaring at my boss and the guys driving. I applaud what they do, really - but man oh man, is the stick wedged pretty far up there! No smiles, no glances, no emotion. Twist it loose, guys - seriously.
Best part, however, was that AFTER I had escaped to the other side, barely avoiding death by SUV in my own work driveway, the officer came out of the enclosure and said "ma'am, you really should be more careful." Now, as you know, the Daily Bitch would normally have quite a bit to say on this one, but in the spirit, I will simply tell you that I smiled politely, said "thank you sir" and flipped him off only AFTER he couldn't see me anymore.....
And a partridge in a pear tree.........