May 30, 2012

We Now Interrupt Regular Programming...

For a short moment of utter seriousness.

Six years ago today, I met the man I thought I would marry.  5 months ago it finally and somewhat sadly, came to a complete and utter end. Sort of a sputter, if you will.  But an end, is an end. Doors closed. Pages turned. Think of the cliche for an ending, and there it was.

I don't spend a lot of time on this blog writing about my personal life. I think the stupid stuff other people do provides me with enough material, I don't need to delve into the stupid mistakes and life lessons of my own world.

Today though? Worth that moment.  Of writing about my own life, that is.  Not the dumb stuff I do, because then I wouldn't be the girl who bitches about all the shit YOU guys do....  :)

I learned SO much about myself from being in a relationship with this man.  I finally - FINALLY - learned what my emotional, mental and physical boundaries were. I learned to like myself - hell, I learned to LOVE myself, and take myself seriously, and appreciate the magical and golden and special that I, as a person, bring to this world.  I learned to love, and to fight through the bad times, and to compromise.  I learned to defend, both myself and him, because the people who loved me didn't always love him, and that was a new experience for me.  I learned to stand up for myself, and cry when I needed to, and to not be afraid of these two things.  I laughed, I smiled, I had great sex, I had adventures, and as "they" say, in the end, you learn from the bad and you remember the good, and you move on.

He will forever be a piece of me, and all I can hope, is that I might somehow forever be a part of him too.  I'll never know, but despite the saying that he who lives in hope dies in shit, I will hope nonetheless.....

It's an old quote I once heard, wrote down, forgot and will now butcher...  Is a memory something you've lost, or a gift you've been given?

Without question, my memories are gifts.   I will have them forever and I know that even should I never marry, or love again, I will have these gifts that will sustain me always....  THAT is how much they mean to me.  That is how much I cherish them.

We have both moved on, to places I hope are extraordinary for the both of us.  I'm personally looking forward to those places, and as the fog of loss and grief and unhappiness finally lifts, my eyes lift with it, and my smile broadens wide, and I breathe in the new....

I wish you well, my strong, stubborn, selfish man.... Be safe, be brave and thank you.....
love,
Your Cute Girl

2 comments:

FoggyDew said...

If you have no memories - or regrets - you've not fully lived. This is something I'm desperately trying to convince a very special woman - the one who suggested the sauna place ;-) - who's not always had the best of luck with men. Our experiences make us what we are, some of us just need more of them to get it right.

Phnx65 said...

It is my hope you can convince her, friend. Each "lesson" we learn from a relationship that maybe didn't work out, is what makes us even MORE prepared for the next person we meet... I hope she listens to you. :) Keep me posted! ~p65